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Cosmics
When
we all lived in the Crab Nebula, Earth was the most boring
thing on tv.
The basic glitch in democracy occurs when the majority abandons
governing itself in favor of ruling the minority...
"Western Thought" is actually a kind of self-consciousness
engendered in response to a constant nervous supervision of
the mind meant to prevent our Running With Scissors or similar
dangerous activities."
(contributed by the Daughters of the Wicked Witches of the
East)
When we all lived in Micronesia, we had the tiniest waists
in the world. So what.
Scientific Methods of the Twentieth Century
Treasure Hunting:
Focus on what treasure you want to find - pirate booty, a
gold mine, buried jewels or whatever. Now as you envision
this treasure, gather all the acorns you can find and put
them in a blue sack.
Tie the mouth of the sack with black twine, chanting loudly
"Life Oak, Live Oak! Old tree, tell me where the treasure
is if you ever want to see your children again!"
The nearest oak tree will tell you how to find the treasure.
Or if not, feed the acorns to vicious wild boars.
Several winsome skunks came to the Barn. "The Soup Kitchen
is over there under the hickory," sez a helpful Barnkeep.
"Ahem," says one skunk, "we are not here for
the Soup Kitchen thanks; we have come to bring you the Word
of Apostle Odey Cologney."
The Barnkeep ran inside yelling, "Eek! Ek! Xtians disguised
as skunks!"
Goldens
Reading Your Mind and Skipping Everything But the Sex and
Violence
What's the difference between...love and lust?
Okay to love your mother.
When the moon came over the mountain, all the denizens smiled
saying "Why Annapurna, what's come over you?"
But Annapurna couldn't guess, so the other lady won the car.
Nick and Nack were sitting on the Fence. Polly Whack gave
the dog a bone, and Nick was rilly freaked out because it
was a vegetarian dog.
Some KKK's are standing around the Universe. "Them coloreds,"
sez a one, "are sure-god just the laziest no goods, I
mean."
"Well," sez another, "but what about that Scott
Joplin? He wrote some pretty fine music, for sure."
"Well yeah," sez the first, "but he couldn't
never of done it without Syphillis, Crown of Caucasian Culture."
"Even though the eyelids may be weighted with golden
coins, death is quite an eye opener."
(attributed to Zarathustra)
If we are all dust, what is this endless hoohah allatime about
bein clean?
Soap Fans Million Dollar Sweepstakes
What's the difference between...the young, the restless, and
the hyperactive?
The Young and the Restless is a soap; the hyperactive is a
detergent ingredient.
Nigh and Denigh were sitting on the Fence. Denigh fell off,
and who was -- "I DID NOT!" hollars Denigh.
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